The Creed of the Kromon [AUDIO/2004.1.20]

★★★★☆

  I don't have many certainties in my life, but one thing I'm fairly certain of is that I might just be the number one fan of The Creed of the Kromon -- because everyone else's opinion of the adventure ranges from negative to 'thank god Philip Martin's six feet under'... which is a horrible thing to say, but hey, these are Dr. Who fans we're talking about. I'm sure someone said it at some point.

  I've heard all the naysayers bring out their arguments against Creed of the Kromon and why it's possibly one of the worst things ever made for Who and whatnot... I respect them and I hear them. I bring out my own counterpoints: a fascinating world that the audio drama, with its roomy runtime, explores in some depth... a willingness on Philip Martin's part to really push the boundaries of corporate capitalism satire and extreme body horror (not surprising coming from the mastermind behind Vengeance on Varos and Mindwarp)... an almost sickeningly detailed and headstrong direction by Gary Russell in making this twisted world a reality in our ears... and plus, a surprisingly hefty narrative with exciting ideas brought to the table (such as the Kromon's lack of concept of space, and their willingness despite that setback to build a "TARDIS" out of the Doctor's understanding of it)... hey, I could go more. Then again, I'm not sure turning beloved fan favourite Charley into a half-Kromon queen mother breeding the new Kromon breed sits well with many people. 

  All I wish to say is, if The Creed of the Kromon viscerally disgusts you and repulses you, I understand and I get you. It's just that for me, this is all pure ambition and a willingness to step outside boundaries and make something truly demented. It's David Cronenberg imagery pushed to the extreme, with body horror galore and a hefty amount of commentary as well. What's more important is that the audio drama is such fun, even when everybody and their aunt have not a shred of happiness in their lives here. Maybe that's why so many people were against new companion C'rizz? Conrad Westmaas gives the morose bastard some charisma, but there's no denying he's in a rough spot when we first get to meet him. Still, I find the less cheerful companions more interesting by default, and he and Paul McGann get to develop quite the fun chemistry.

  The Creed of the Kromon, in conclusion: it's a Dr. Who adventure for complete utter sickos, full of body horror, giant termites, acid trips and subsequent conversations with the spirit of an entire race -- and how lucky that I am one, eh?